Where Forever Lies Read online

  Paige felt her heart drop at seeing David so grief stricken. It had been hard on everyone this past month, but from what she’d heard from other people, David was having a really difficult time dealing with all of it. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, wanting to console him and make him realize that she knew just how he felt. That it’d been hard for her too.

  “David,” she started, “if you need anything just let me know. I cared a lot about Randy too and I know how badly this hurts. I know how hard it is to deal with all these feelings.” She pulled him in for a hug, and as he silently hugged her back, she felt the dampness of his pain slowly spread onto her shirt. She prayed he was going to be okay, because the smell of alcohol was stronger than she’d ever smelled before, and she knew he’d driven here like this.

  Worry was filling up inside her because there was another thing she knew about grief. If you let it, it could strip you completely bare to where you were just as vacant as the person you had lost. The thought of David letting himself get to that point crushed her with fear.

  ♥♥♥

  A storm was making its presence known in the distance as Paige sat on her couch, staring out into the night sky. After David left, Paige had put Kyra in her bed and tried to lay down herself. She wasn’t able to sleep so she decided to sit in the living room and write in her journal for a while. David had only stayed for a short while after Kyra had fallen asleep, and then said he had better get going so she could get to bed herself, but she could tell that being around them was hard. She had tried to get him to stay the night, but he’d refused, saying he had things to do. They had both shed some tears tonight and she knew he was probably embarrassed by it. Plus, she was sure that Kyra was a constant reminder of Randy.

  She thought about what David had said and it made her feel a little better to hear such heartwarming things about Randy; things she never would have known otherwise, but it also stung to know he’d never get his chance at doing what he’d said he wanted to do. Talking about Randy opened up the wounds even further and she felt her heart aching all over again.

  The glow of the small lamp on the end table in her apartment was just enough light to make strange shadows against the walls. Instead of writing, she found she could only stare at the shadows on the wall and think about everything that was wrong with her life right now. It wasn’t the healthiest thing to think about, especially right now, but she couldn’t help it. Her life had taken a serious nose dive and she didn’t know where to go from here. She had come to a point where she felt very angry with Randy for dying. She knew it was selfish, but she couldn’t help it. Even though she and Randy’s relationship didn’t work out, she had not planned on being a single mother. She felt as if he had left her all alone, and that thought was silly because if he were still alive she would have no intention of getting back with him. They just weren’t right for each other. At the same time though, she was tired of having no one special to talk to about the cute and funny things Kyra did. It was only her and she felt that something else was missing. The little bit of dating she had done in the past year wasn’t much and she always ended up with the wrong type of men, so she had sworn off dating for a while because she would rather be single than be with any of the guys she had dated. Being a nurse and a single mom didn’t leave her much time to think too much about a guy, but at times like these, when she was alone at night, her mind would drift there.

  As she sat there, she started crying, and as she cried, she got angrier and angrier with Randy. She knew she shouldn’t be angry with him, it wasn’t his fault, but her emotions were everywhere. The anger that swirled around inside her was beginning to spill over. Paige slammed her fist against the small table, and with tears streaming rapidly down her face, she angrily threw her journal across the room, knocking over a lamp. It hit the floor, but didn’t break. Right then she wouldn’t have cared if it had shattered to pieces. She stared at it for a minute, the compulsive side in her told her to pick it up and put it back where it belonged but her emotions overrode those thoughts for once. She couldn’t move and didn’t want to. All she wanted to do was release her pent up feelings out loud for once. To scream them out or break things, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the release and finding a way to keep them out of her mind for good.

  “Why did you leave me here to do this all by myself?!” she cried out between hoarse sobs to the empty house. She got up and kicked the lamp, feeling a sickening gratification as she watched it shatter against the wall. She cringed at the loud noise, praying to any God out there that it didn’t wake Kyra up. She needed this time alone to dish out all her feelings.

  As she stood there staring down at the broken pieces of the lamp, she realized she felt no better than before her fit of rage, which made her even angrier.

  “Why?” she yelled again, feeling defeated in every way possible. Tears streamed down her face and her nose ran. She grabbed a Kleenex and despairingly blew her nose. She felt like an idiot yelling out like that to someone who was gone, but no one was here to see her so it didn’t really matter. She knew it was useless, but she couldn’t hold her feelings in any longer. All she wanted was for Kyra to have her father back in her life. She was so scared to raise a baby on her own. He was supposed to be here with her, to help her and be that missing piece. But now he was gone and she was all alone. She didn’t know if she could do it. It terrified her to think about making all the decisions by herself. It was beyond daunting.

  She sat there on her couch and cried for an hour, rocking back and forth as sobs lurched painfully out of her until she had finally worn herself out and sleep sounded wonderful. She shuffled down her narrow hall to her bedroom, and once she crawled into bed, she was quickly taken away by the power of heartache and exhaustion.

  Chapter 3

  Tyler Evans eased his truck out of his driveway and slowly started down the road, gradually picking up speed. He was on his way to pick up his son Brandon, who lived an hour away, and every Friday he dreaded the drive but anticipated seeing his son. With the long drive, he had time to think about a lot of stuff, something he tended to avoid any other time. The discussion he’d had with his friends earlier today crossed his mind. They were razzing him about being single and telling him that there had to be something wrong with him to not notice the good-looking blonde hitting on him at the gas station. Sure, she was good-looking, but he wasn’t interested in dating right now and she wasn’t his type. He worked way too much to date and on the weekends he spent all his time with his son. Besides, he knew that when he was dating someone they usually want more of his time than he could give right now. He nodded his head as if agreeing with himself. He had the radio cranked up and an old AC/DC song; You Shook Me All Night Long came on and he felt content with his life. Anyway, he was twenty-eight years old and already divorced once, he wasn’t ready to get serious with another woman and risk going through all that again. He still needed time to figure out what he wanted out of life and women. He figured in time—when he had the time—he would find that special someone. But right now he was definitely in no hurry.

  An hour later, he finally pulled into his son’s driveway, honked once, and after a few minutes he saw his son come scuffling out, shaggy brown hair and all. He needs a haircut this weekend, he thought. He made a mental note to add this to his to do list this weekend.

  He grimaced when he saw his ex-wife following behind him. What does she want? He thought, knowing she only came out to talk to him when she had something to complain about.

  He gave her his charming, sarcastic smile as she approached, knowing she hated it. “Hi, Cassie.”

  She crossed her arms as she glared at him, giving him a fake smile. “Tyler, you were supposed to be here an hour ago. I had an appointment, now I’m late. Next time you’re going to be late, will you at least call and let me know so I can rearrange my plans?” she asked bitterly.

  “Sorry, job ran over and I lost track of time,” he said, leaving it at that. He heard her
let out a huff as she turned back towards the house and laughed, knowing that no answer would make her happy.

  He smiled as his son opened the door. Brandon gave him a smirk as he climbed in and buckled his seatbelt.

  “Hey, bub, how was your week?” Tyler asked, as he backed out of the driveway.

  “Oh, all right,” Brandon said as he showed his dad his new handheld video game.

  “Isn’t that cool. Was that for your birthday?”

  “Yeah, plus I got some games to go with it.” He held them in his hands, proudly displaying them to his father.

  “Great, now you can show me how to play them. How was school this week?”

  He rolled his eyes as he strongly proclaimed, “Boring.”

  Tyler smiled and watched his son intently play his video game, and then turned his attention towards the road heading home. This, he thought, could not be any better.

  An hour later they finally pulled into their driveway, and as the truck came to a stop Brandon jumped out and made a mad dash towards the house where Diesel, their Australian Shepherd, was lounging on the wrap around porch.

  “Hey, bub, come here, I have something to show you!” Tyler called and then motioned for Brandon to follow him, knowing he would be beyond excited once he saw what was waiting in the barn for him.

  “What is it, Dad?” Brandon asked, as he jumped off the porch and quickly ran towards his dad.

  “You’ll see, just follow me,” Tyler said, laughing.

  As they made their way in the direction of the barn, a few of the horses out in the pasture took off running towards them, thinking it was feeding time. Tyler looked out over his thirty acres of rolling pasture and breathed in the fresh air. It was breathtaking out here and he couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. He never understood how someone could choose to live in the city compared to out here.

  He swung the barn doors open, revealing twenty stalls, a small tack room, and a hay loft. They made their way down the narrow aisle and stopped at the last stall on the right. He glanced down through the bars and looked at the small black colt lying on the ground next to his mother.

  Tyler opened the door and said, “Guess who came early?”

  Brandon’s brown eyes grew wide and huge boyish dimples popped out as a smile formed on his face, “Lady had her baby!” he yelled and peered around the door.

  “Yep, there he is. What are you going to name him?” Tyler asked, as he stepped to the side so Brandon could see him better.

  Brandon’s face scrunched up as he contemplated it. “I don’t know yet.”

  “Well, you think about it, since he’s now yours,” Tyler said, reaching up to rub Lady on the neck. The sorrel mare brought her face up to Tyler’s, sniffing him all over before lowering her head back down to munch on hay. He watched as Brandon slowly walked up to the young colt, holding his hand out like he had been taught, and then gently rubbed his neck.

  Tyler watched Brandon for a while as he got acquainted with the new colt, glad that he got to see his son every weekend. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he were only able to spend two weekends a month with him, like most guys who were divorced. It wouldn’t be enough, that was for sure and he wondered how they managed to be okay with that. “Come on, I have something else for you too,” Tyler said draping his arm around Brandon’s shoulders and leading him out of the stall.

  “Does it have to do with my birthday?” Brandon questioned, a huge smile splayed across his face as he looked up at his dad.

  “You’ll just have to see,” he teased.

  Tyler shut the barn doors and they headed towards the house, their boots kicking up dust from the dry June day. He smiled as he saw the old black blazer sitting in the driveway and then grimaced as Brandon shrieked with excitement.

  “It’s nana!” he yelled as he raced to the two story old white farmhouse, up the steps, and flung the screen door open, darting inside.

  Smiling, Tyler slowly climbed the steps to the front porch, gave Diesel a quick pat on the head, and then followed his son inside.

  “Hey, Mom, how was your drive?” he asked as he leaned down to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Carol Evans was in her sixties now and she was starting to look her age. Her blonde hair was now turning gray, and her smooth complexion was finally starting to show some age. Her blue eyes looked tired and were now rimmed with crow’s feet. He was surprised she was able to endure the four hour drive here with her arthritis bothering her most of the time now. But she said she was determined to visit with her grandson for his birthday and wanted to come out and see the old farm.

  “It was a long one, but I’m just glad to be here. The place looks great Tyler, your dad would be so proud of all the work you’ve done,” she said, grabbing his arm and smiling up at him. Tyler looked down at her, she was so small compared to him that it was almost comical. He was pushing six foot one and she had to be only five feet tall. Tyler wondered where the time had gone. His father had died last year of a heart attack. Life seemed too short sometimes, or maybe he just got caught up in work and let life slip by. He was betting the latter was true. Owning his own fencing company was a lot of work, plus taking care of the horses and everything that needed done on the farm, it all seemed endless. He did like to keep busy working, it was his escape while Brandon was away all week, but he wondered if he was missing out on life. He was starting to wonder if he was letting it all just slip past him in a blur. He couldn’t even think of anything fun or exciting he’d done all week. There was just work. Brandon was now eight years old and he was twenty-eight, nearing thirty. He was divorced and lived alone all week, just working, and waiting on each weekend to come so he could see his son. Every week just seemed to fly by.

  “Come on, hun, I have something for you,” Carol said to Brandon, waking him up from his wandering thoughts. He usually only let his mind wander on the hour drive to pick up Brandon, so he wasn’t sure what had made those thoughts come into his mind right now.

  Brandon jumped up from his seat and followed Carol to the living room, plopping down on the floor in front of her.

  “Here you go, sweetie, Happy Birthday,” she said as she handed him a big box wrapped in shiny blue wrapping paper.

  Brandon started tearing into his present and Tyler gave Carol a wink, knowing the present was exactly what Brandon had wanted. He knew he was right within two seconds when Brandon start yelling “Yes, an Xbox. Yes!” loudly over and over as he punched his fists wildly into the air. Carol just laughed.

  After Brandon carefully inspected his new Xbox, Tyler retrieved the present he’d gotten him. “Okay, bub, here’s my gift for you,” Tyler said, handing him another present.

  Brandon opened it up and his eyes widened and Tyler smiled until he looked over and saw Carol’s pale face.

  “Don’t worry, Mom, it’s just a .22 rifle, and it’ll be locked up in the gun cabinet when it’s not being used. He knows he won’t be able to touch it unless I’m with him,” Tyler said knowing his mom was about to have a heart attack.

  “Brandon, you be careful with that thing, and you make sure you listen to your father, okay?” she chastised, her hand absently rubbing at her chest.

  Tyler shook his head, knowing his mom had always been a worrier.

  “Yes, nana, I know. Hey, Dad, can we shoot this tomorrow?” Brandon asked holding his new gun in the air.

  “Yeah, we can.”

  “Now, Brandon, I know you’re not a fan of cake so I made you a homemade cookie cake instead,” Carol said as she headed into the kitchen to get the food prepared.

  Brandon absently nodded as he stared at the new Xbox and gun in his hands and Tyler knew he’d be up all night playing it.

  Hours later, after the sun had already descended below the hills, Tyler told Brandon good night and made his way to bed himself. It was late now since they had all stayed up so long talking and spending time together. His mom didn’t get the chance to come down often and she could only stay until tomorrow afternoon becau
se of a church function she had on Sunday that she couldn’t miss.

  Tyler took off his hat, tossed it on his dresser, and ran a hand through his dark hair. He climbed in bed and hoped this weekend would go by slowly. He wasn’t ready to see his mom off tomorrow, or take his son home on Sunday, but he knew he couldn’t stop time.

  Chapter 4

  Paige made her way up the limestone steps towards Anderson hospital. It was six a.m. and she was already exhausted. After being woken up several times last night by a fussy Kyra, she thought she was going to have to call in to work today, but she had somehow managed to get going. She wasn’t sure what was going on with her last night; she rarely woke Paige up any other time, but last night she just couldn’t stay asleep for some reason. As she got to the last step, she felt her foot hit the edge; before she knew it she was lying on the concrete sidewalk, her hands splayed out in front of her, her face resting on the cold limestone.

  “Shit,” she grumbled into the concrete before managing to get to her feet.

  “You okay?” an older, gray haired guy asked, coming up behind her and placing his hand on her elbow to help her steady herself.

  She smiled, embarrassed and said, “Yeah, that last step just came out of nowhere. Too little sleep last night, I guess.” She dusted off her navy scrubs, adjusted her purse on her shoulder, and grimaced as she felt her cheeks reddening. God, she was such a klutz sometimes.

  The old guy let out a deep chuckle and said, “Yep, I hear you there. Have a good day.”

  She smiled, “Thanks, you too,” and followed behind him into the hospital.